


let me kiss it better

by camboy_hynjin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Hwang Hyunjin, Hyunjin uses both she/her and he/him pronouns at different times, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, in Changbin's backstory, there's a little bit of, this is probably way too soft for a collection called Fuckfest, use of the term "Girl Cock"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:34:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23061037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camboy_hynjin/pseuds/camboy_hynjin
Summary: Hyunjin trusted Changbin enough to come out to him when she realized she was genderfluid, and since then Changbin has done everything he can to try and make sure Hyunjin feels loved and accepted no matter what. But he knows that his past words are in Hyunjin’s head, knows that he fed into her insecurities and self-doubt without ever meaning to. He wishes more than anything that he could take it back.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 145
Collections: SKZ Fuckfest





	let me kiss it better

**Author's Note:**

> Written for SKZ Fuckfest Prompt #42: A has been feeling self-conscious about his body lately, which B notices, so B decides to help out by making a "To-Kiss List." It details everything he loves about A's body, a list of each part that he wants to kiss. B presents the list and A is touched (in more ways than one).
> 
> I went in a slightly different direction than the prompter probably intended, but I hope they still enjoy!

Changbin knows, even before he sees the color of the bracelet on Hyunjin’s wrist, what kind of day this is. 

Hyunjin is in bed, hands clutching the blankets tightly to stay cocooned from the outside world. When Changbin calls, there is no answer, only a muffled grunt that lets him know Hyunjin’s awake and not sleeping. This isn’t the first time he’s found Hyunjin like this, and just as he did the times before, Changbin peels the blankets back so he can slide into bed beside Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin doesn’t protest, and once Changbin is inside the blanket cocoon, he glances at Hyunjin’s wrist to check the color of the reversible bracelet on it, a gift from Changbin which Hyunjin hasn’t taken off since receiving it. Just as Changbin suspected, it’s pink. Hyunjin’s a girl right now. 

“Jinnie,” he starts softly, reaching for her hand so he can hold it. Hyunjin lets him, but she doesn’t move or say anything to acknowledge his presence. She isn’t even looking at him. “Baby, it’s okay.” 

Hyunjin squeezes her eyes shut, and Changbin’s heart aches, because he’s pretty sure she’s fighting back tears. He cups her face in his free hand, thumb sliding over her cheek as if to brush away tears, though none have fallen yet. “Don’t. I’ve got you.” 

Hyunjin’s shoulders shake then, and Changbin squeezes her hand, trying to reassure her. “Binnie,” she says weakly, her voice strained with the effort of trying not to cry. It’s then Changbin knows this is a really bad day. “Why are you touching me? I’m—” 

“Beautiful.” Changbin cuts her off before she can say something negative about herself. The first tear falls from her eyes, wetting his thumb. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.” 

Hyunjin sniffles, pulling her legs up close to her body, curling into Changbin in the fetal position. “You don’t mean it,” she whispers. “You put up with me when I’m like this, but you don’t—” 

“Hey,” Changbin stops her, his voice firm but gentle. “That’s not true, Hyunjin. You know it isn’t.” 

And maybe she does, deep down. But Changbin knows no matter how many times he tells her this—how often he tries to reassure her that he loves her, that it doesn’t matter to him if she’s a girl or a boy or neither or both—the voices in her head will still be louder. 

Changbin feels like that’s partially his fault. When he and Hyunjin first started dating and shared their romantic history with each other, Changbin made a big deal out of the fact that he had slept with two women in an effort to convince himself he was straight. He convinced himself that maybe if he got his dick wet, his feelings for boys would go away. Of course, they didn’t, and he felt so sick to his stomach after sleeping with those girls that he actually threw up the second time. 

Changbin couldn’t have known then that Hyunjin was genderfluid, that Hyunjin was a woman part of the time, because Hyunjin hadn’t even figured that out yet. But if Changbin had known, he wouldn’t have told Hyunjin about his past the way that he did. He wouldn’t have said that the thought of having sex with a woman made him sick to his stomach. Because that doesn’t apply to Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin trusted Changbin enough to come out to him when she realized she was genderfluid, and since then Changbin has done everything he can to try and make sure Hyunjin feels loved and accepted no matter what. But he knows that his past words are in Hyunjin’s head, knows that he fed into her insecurities and self-doubt without ever meaning to. He wishes more than anything that he could take it back. 

Hyunjin dozes off in his arms, and Changbin kisses away her remaining tears before tucking her in, getting up to grab his lyrics notebook. He sits on the bed beside her and starts scribbling things down, and that’s how Hyunjin finds him when she wakes an hour later. 

“Are you working on a song?” she mumbles, and when Changbin turns, he finds her hair mussed from the pillows, eyes barely open, and a pout on her pretty, full lips. 

“Something like that,” he says, jotting something else down on the paper. 

Hyunjin stays quiet until he lifts his pencil from the page again. “Can I hear it?” 

“It’s not finished. Also, it’s not a song.” 

“Then what are you writing?” Hyunjin whines. She seems to be in a better mood after her nap, which Changbin is grateful for. 

“You’ll see when I’m done!” He chuckles softly, angling the page away from Hyunjin because he’s almost positive she’s going to try and peek. Sure enough, when he looks at her again, she’s sitting up, leaning closer to Changbin in an effort to read what he’s writing. 

“You’re mean,” she pouts. 

Changbin just laughs. “You like it when I’m mean though.” 

Hyunjin hums. “Sometimes.” 

_Not now_ , she means. There are days when Hyunjin wants nothing more than to be treated roughly in bed, to be called mean names and spanked to the point of bruising, and Changbin will play that role because Hyunjin likes it—though he always assures Hyunjin afterwards that he doesn’t mean a word of it. This is definitely not one of those days. 

Changbin tears the sheet of paper out of his notebook, handing it to Hyunjin without another word. 

She looks down at the page, at the title written at the top of it, and reads it out loud. “To Kiss List?” 

“It’s a list of all the parts of your body I want to kiss.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes trail down the paper, and Changbin guesses he knows which item she’s gotten to when a flush tints her cheeks pink. “ _Changbin_.” 

“I mean it,” he says, meeting her eyes. “Every single thing I wrote on that paper.” 

Hyunjin opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. She stares back at the page, studying the words Changbin’s written, before finally putting it aside. “Then prove it,” she says, eyes fixed on Changbin, challenging him. “Kiss me everywhere.” 

Changbin doesn’t hesitate to move closer, palms rough against her delicate skin as he cups her face in his hands. He kisses her mouth, the plushness of her lips against his own almost as familiar as his own heartbeat. He feels the corners of her lips quirk up into a smile when she kisses back, the way her mouth moves against his, soft and silky. He could kiss her like this for hours, and when their lips part, he wants to go in again, but he holds back. He has a whole list to get through, and he’ll never get there if he stays focused on her lips. 

So he pulls back, pressing gentle kisses to the other parts of her face he wrote on the list: the apples of her cheeks; the tip of her cute, strong nose. Her cheeks flush under Changbin’s lips, and he smiles, ever so tenderly brushing his lips over the mole beneath her left eye. “Beautiful,” he whispers. 

Hyunjin squirms beneath him, whether impatient from his pace or shy from the attention, he isn’t sure. 

He dips his head lower, pressing feather light kisses on her neck just below her earlobe. Hyunjin shivers, always sensitive in that spot, and Changbin grins against her skin. 

“You’re teasing,” she mumbles, her hands finding purchase on Changbin’s shoulders. 

“I’m not. I’m doing what you told me.” 

Hyunjin tilts her head back, a soft little moan falling from her lips as Changbin kisses her neck again, open-mouthed. He trails kisses all along the column of her throat, mouthing over her Adam’s apple, and Hyunjin whines, high and needy. 

“My girl,” Changbin murmurs. He can feel the way Hyunjin’s skin flushes at his words, suddenly warmer under his lips. “My pretty, pretty girl.” 

“Changbin, stop.” 

He pauses immediately, eyes darting up to look at Hyunjin’s face. “What? Did I say something wrong?” 

Hyunjin won’t meet his gaze. She’s looking out the corner of her eyes, like she’s trying to avoid looking at him. “You don’t have to do this,” she says quietly. 

“Do what?” Changbin asks, softening his tone. He can tell from Hyunjin’s body language that the insecurities are in her head again, and he wants to dissuade them. “Kiss you? But I want to, Hyunjin. That’s why I wrote that list. To show you that I—” 

“You don’t have to lie to me,” she cuts him off. He sees tears gathering in her eyes again, and she squeezes them shut, likely an attempt to stop him from seeing her cry. 

Changbin moves closer, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin to hold her, not letting go even when she tries to squirm away. “Jinnie, stop. I’m not lying to you. Why would you think I’m lying to you?” 

She stops fighting, crumpling in his arms as she starts to cry, shoulders shaking. “Because you can’t like me. Not when I’m like this.” 

Her voice breaks, and so does Changbin’s heart. “That’s not true, Hyunjin,” he says, hugging her as tightly as he can. “I love you, always. What can I do to make you believe that?” 

Hyunjin shakes her head, and Changbin just holds her, rubbing her back and trying his best to soothe her. “Is it because of what I said when we started dating? Because I was wrong, Hyunjin. You’re not—” 

“I’m not what? Not like other girls?” she cuts in with a bitter laugh. “Believe me, I know. And that’s why you can put up with me, right?” 

Changbin sighs softly. “Hyunjin, that isn’t what I meant. I’m not talking about your body. It’s because you’re you. You’re my Hyunjin, and I love you. That’s why you’re different.” He presses a chaste kiss to her forehead, and she curls into him further. 

“But why?” she asks softly. 

“Does there have to be a reason? I don’t know why. I just love you.” 

Hyunjin is quiet for several long seconds, and Changbin waits patiently, hoping his words sink in. Finally she whispers, “I love you too.” 

Changbin lifts her chin gently with his thumb, raising her head so he can look into her eyes. “I mean it, okay? I’ve regretted saying that about sleeping with girls ever since you told me you were genderfluid. I never, ever want you to feel like I don’t love you, or that I can’t be attracted to you because of this. I do love you, and I am so, so attracted to you. And I would be no matter what. I promise.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes sparkle with tears again as she pulls Changbin in for a kiss. “Okay.” She doesn’t sound totally convinced, but it’s a start. “Kiss me again?” 

Changbin smiles, leaning in to press his lips to hers again, but when he does, he feels them curved into a pout. “What?” he asks. 

“Not like that,” Hyunjin mumbles. “Like you were before.” 

Changbin hums, shifting so he can kiss at Hyunjin’s neck again, where he left off earlier, only this time he keeps his kisses quick and chaste. “Want me to finish the kiss list?” he murmurs, and when Hyunjin’s breath hitches he decides to chance it. “Kiss you all the way down to your pretty girl cock?” 

He’s rewarded with a breathless whine as Hyunjin squirms beneath him, and he can’t help but grin, sucking a hickey into her neck to tease her further. “I love you so much. Every inch of you. You’re the most perfect girl I’ve ever known.” 

“Changbin, stop,” Hyunjin giggles. It’s playful this time, but he glances at her face to confirm. Her cheeks are flushed, and her eyes are a little red from crying earlier, but she’s smiling. And that’s all Changbin ever wants. 

“Never.” He pecks her lips again before moving his kisses back downwards to her collarbones, hands resting at the hem of her shirt. “Can I?” he asks, and when she nods, he tugs it off of her, immediately planting kisses all over her bare torso. 

“Tell me if I say or do anything that makes you uncomfortable,” Changbin murmurs between kisses. 

Hyunjin rests her hands on his shoulders, and he feels her relax underneath him. “I will,” she promises, shivering as his lips trail down to her stomach. “But that feels really good.” 

“Good.” Changbin looks up at her as he plants a kiss just below her navel, feeling the way her muscles tense below her skin, and her hands tighten on his shoulders as her breath catches. “I just wanna make you feel good.” 

“Please,” she whispers. 

Changbin puts his hands on the hem of her sweatpants, but he doesn’t dip below the fabric yet, waiting for her permission. When she nods, Changbin pulls them off of her. He slides his hands down her bare thighs before littering them with kisses, and Hyunjin squirms beneath him. 

“Binnie, please,” she whines. 

“Please what, baby?” 

Her skin warms under his touch as she blushes head to toe. “Please kiss me?” 

“I am kissing you, angel,” Changbin reminds her with a smirk, planting another kiss near the junction where her hip meets her thigh. 

“You know what I mean,” she mumbles. Changbin looks up at her innocently and is rewarded by her cheeks darkening as she flushes more. “Kiss me _there_.” 

“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific.” Changbin knows what she means, but he passes over the growing bulge in her underwear to press his lips her stomach again. “Here?” 

Hyunjin hides her face with her hands. “Please don’t make me say it.” 

Changbin pauses, unsure if she’s shy or actually uncomfortable. “Jinnie, if you’re not comfortable I won’t make you.” 

It’s quiet for several seconds before Hyunjin mutters something that’s nearly unintelligible. 

“Hyunjin?” 

She moves her hands away from her face, blushing bright red as she says, “Please kiss my girl cock?” 

Changbin smiles, rewarding her by kissing her through the fabric of her underwear. Hyunjin shudders beneath him, her head tilting back in pleasure. 

“I’ve barely kissed you and you’re already a mess,” he teases as he continues to kiss up and down her clothed length, delighting in the soft moans and whimpers it draws from her. “I love you so much,” he murmurs between kisses. “You’re so beautiful. My pretty, pretty girl.” 

Either Hyunjin was more worked up from the teasing than Changbin realized or the praise is really doing something for her, because seconds after he closes his lips over the fabric in a messier, open-mouthed kiss, Hyunjin suddenly squeaks, and there’s a spreading warmth and saltiness that he can taste through the fabric. 

He pulls back, rubbing his hand over the front of Hyunjin’s underwear to help her through her orgasm, and Hyunjin whimpers from sensitivity. 

“Good girl,” he praises, and Hyunjin responds with a content sigh, reaching her arms out to him. Changbin takes the hint, moving up the bed so he can snuggle her. Hyunjin curls into him immediately, her arms wound tightly around him. Changbin just holds her, giving her time to come down from her high. 

“Thank you,” she finally whispers. 

Changbin brushes her sweat-damp bangs away from her forehead to press a kiss there. “You don’t have to thank me, Jinnie. I love you.” 

“I know, but… thank you for loving me.” 

Changbin smiles, hugging Hyunjin close. “I don’t think I could stop if I wanted to. And I definitely don’t want to,” he says, before any doubts have a chance to take root in her mind. 

She sighs blissfully. “I really am the luckiest girl in the world.” 

Changbin reaches for her wrist, running his fingers over the skin under her bracelet. “And I’m the luckiest guy because I have you.” He lifts her wrist to his lips to kiss her there. 

Hyunjin stares at the bracelet contemplatively, then turns it over to reveal the blue side. “No, I’m the luckiest guy,” he quips. 

Changbin laughs. “Not fair! Let me have something.” 

“You have me.” Hyunjin grins, leaning in for another kiss. 

Changbin gives in easily, smiling against Hyunjin’s lips. “I do. And I never, ever want to lose you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are much appreciated!


End file.
